Best kept secrets
by eliissexy
Summary: While hanging out at starbucks, pj seems distant and chris thinks he knows why. TRIGGER WARNING: references to self harm. Rated T for like two swear words.


A/N: hello there! I wrote this at like 5 in the morning so i don't know how it turned out. Please be gentle

Disclaimer: i don't own youtube or any of the characters in this fic 

It was a Tuesday afternoon and the streets of London were busy with people rushing to find shade under the intense summer sun. A group known as the fantastic foursome had found refugee in the airconditioned starbucks down the road. If one were to peer into the shop window, the scene before them would be simple, four young men talking animatedly whilst enjoying a nice beverage. Unbeknownst to that on-looker the conversation was anything but your everyday small talk. The night before, a new episode of my strange addiction had aired and it was in plain words, strange. Its main focus was People admitting to having sexual attractions to meat and produce.

"I'm telling you, fucking a beef patty is not beastialty because the animal is already dead!" Yelled Chris from the far end of the booth they occupied.

"WHAT?! That's like saying necrophelia isn't rape cuz they're dead" Dan retored equally as passionate about the topic.

Phil sighed and fell back in his seat, embarrased by the loud mass of weird that his friends were publicly displaying.

"I can't believe they're argueing about this" he said to the boy to his left wearing a light green hoodie.

He didn't reply, his eyes were focused on something Phil couldn't quite seem to locate.

"You okay peej?" he asked nudging the boy lightly and snapping him out of his trance.

Pj looked around, disoriented from coming back into reality. He glanced at his bickering idiotic friends and switched his gaze to his lap.

"Pj?" Phil prodded.

His eyes snapped up and barely registered that he was being asked a question.

"Sorry what?" he said softly, his voice sore from disuse. The two boys at the far ends of the booth stopped talking and looked over at their sullen friend.

"You alright peej?" asked Chris.

Pj flinched a little at the question then slowly nodded.

Dan scrunched his eyebrows in detest "Are you sure? Why have you got that hood on, its 48C out, you trying to be roasted alive?"

Pj tensed, his eyes darted to his closest friends who suddenly seemed to be enclosing on him. "I… I...just…I need some air" He stumbled out of his seat and made his way out of the coffee shop.

Once out of ear shot, the three boys started talking about the out of character behaviour their friend was showing. Dan was the first to start the discussion

"Seriously I think something is wrong with pj, he barely talks anymore, hasn't made a video in a while and I am finding it more and more difficult to contact him nowadays"

"I'm worried too" Phil chimed in. "Have you noticed he literally wears that hoodie everywear?"

Chris just sighed and shook his head "Why now pj? What happened?" he said more to himself.

Dan and phil each wore confused expressions. "Something up chris?"

He looked over at dan and phil and debated over telling them the truth or not "Okay you guys, promise you won't tell him I told you?"

The other two boys nodded.

Chris sighed deeply and began "I've known peej since middle school and when I first met him, to be honest he wasn't in the best of shape" he paused, carefully planning out how to explain the rest.

"What do you mean, not in the best of shape?" dan inquired.

Chris hesitated "Well, he's always been artistic but just chose to express himself differently. His style choice was a bit on the dark side and his art was far more morbid than it is now"

Dan shook his head, first in understanding then in disbelief "PJ?! PJ lugiori?"

Chris nodded "Yeah, completely anti-social. And the worst of it was he never talked. He was mute since like kindergarten ever since some tradgic accident. I guess that explains why he chose art, to get his thoughts and feeling out there"

"So what does that have to do with why he's being weird now?" dan asked.

"You would never ever guess this but pj had severe depression in 7th grade and his coping methods weren't exactly what you'd call healthy"

There was a deep silence.

"You mean he…" dan started

"Yeah, i found out a year after we met, at a sleepover. He took off his hood for a split second and I saw them.

"Howcome we've never seen them" Phil asked

"Because they've healed by now, but that's the point. Pj's better now. If all the scars are gone then why is he wearing… you don't think…" Chris paused. The thought of his bright, bubbly, creative best friend reverting back to such a desperate escape made him more scared than he'd like to admit.

"There's only one way to find out" Dan said with a determined look on his face. As If on cue, pj came back into the pub and slid into the booth ignoring his friend's worried stares.

"What?" he said curious as to why they were all looking at him like that? Before he could react, dan reached out and grabbed his wrist. He struggled to get free of the vice grip on his arm but failed miserably.

"What the hell dan!" he shouted, trying hard not to flinched. Instead of receiving an answer from the boy in question, Chris turned pj to face him.

"Pj can we talk? Alone?" he asked.

Pj nodded reluctantly, as dan released his arm and got up with Phil to leave the two alone for a while. Chris then grabbed a hold of Pj's wrists but much lighter than dan had.

"Pj are you doing this again?" he said, his words held a tinge of hurt.

Pj looked down. Chris didn't need to specify, they both knew what he was reffering to. Pj couldn't find it in himself to answer. Back in those dark days, chris had been the one to help him out and be there no matter what, the thought of dissapointing him made his piercing green eyes glaze over. Chris took the silence as a yes. He sighed, though he was dissapointed he was also scared out of his mind. Did something happen that triggered pj? If such a thing had occurred and he hadn't found out, then what else could his friend be keeping from him.

Chris sighed deeply "Why?"

The question was a hard one; it didn't really have an answer. Pj knew there was no reason to ever resort to this, but it had all been too much for him. He looked up and caught Chris's sad gaze. He atleast owed him an explanation. He took in a deep breath

"My dad… died" he tilted his head up and blinked back tears "There was a car accident over in italy and he didn't make it"

Chris didn't dear say a word. He just waited patiently for pj to gather his thoughts together and continue.

Pj sniffled "We were suppose to finish fixing the shed when he came back, but… I guess we just won't have a place to store tools" he laughed. It was a sad laugh that didn't reach his eyes.

"ya know, I was really excited about finishing that shed. It meant bigger space to put video making equipment, I mean who wouldn't be excited about that?" He said sarcastically.

A fresh batch of tears came "Infact I was so excited that I called him, long distance, and asked how long it'll take to be back" he chocked back a sob and looked at chris "You wanna know what he said? He said 'don't worry about it, I'm…' and then there was a loud crashing sound, and he never finished his sentence, then an hour later we got the call that said he was gone"

It was at this point that pj fell into chris's arms and sobbed violently into his chest.

"it was my fault, I distracted him and now he's dead!" Pj cried.

Chris rubbed circles in the broken boys back. How could he have kept this in for so long? Why hadn't he told him? He was probably afraid that all his friends would blame and hate him too. Chris held pj until the sobs calmed down. Then he tilted his head up from his chest to face him. Tear marks litered the eccentric boys face and red swollen eyes replaced his bright happy ones. It killed Chris to see his friend this way.

He spoke with purpose "Pj I know this hard for you, but don't think you have to go through this alone, you're my best friend and I'll be here for you no matter how fucked up your life is"

Pj gave his best at a smile. Though he was still upset, just being with chris made him feel like everything would be okay. At this time dan and phil returned to the booth and took in the scene before them. Dan immediately rushed over to join chris in comforting pj, while phil got some tissues.

"Okay, please don't tell me we're gonna have to talk about trusting each other and the magic of friendship" dan said trying to lift the mood. They laughed and the birds flew into the sunset or some corny shit like that.

A/N: There! I was kind of dissapointed that there weren't any pj stories like this on the site so took it upon myself to write one. I'm not good with sad scenes, so sorry if this really sucked :/ I tried.


End file.
